Freedom in Falling Page 14

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  Peach Emoji, Eggplant Emoji

  Noah was in Hell. That was the only explanation for why he was up early and having brunch with his brothers and Eli's fiancée instead of being passed out, face down, until a normal time like any decent human being.

  Beside him, Liam kicked his foot under the table. Meryl had said something—Noah had registered her lips moving, the coral lipstick she wore bright against her winter pale skin—but for the life of him he couldn't remember a single syllable of it. At her side, Eli sipped a Bloody Mary with all the serenity he possessed. No help there. Liam was no help either. Bruising Noah's foot was all he could be counted on for. Cue cards would be a little too obvious.

  Noah cranked the wattage on his smile as he said, "Could you repeat that?" and tried to look engaged instead of like he was about to escape this mortal coil.

  The restaurant was full of people wearing pastel colors and pleated khakis, drinking expensive Bloody Marys with crisp bacon or celery waving like flags, and here he was with circles under his eyes and skinny jeans that still had paint on them from when he'd backed into one of Tyler's wet paintings. Noah's entire left leg looked like Picasso's blue period at a disco, but if he played it cool people usually assumed it was meant to. Maybe not these people. But people. His people. If he had known what kind of place he was being dragged to, he would have worn something else.

  He'd nearly swallowed his tongue at the prices listed on the drink menu. He'd forgotten how much vodka went for when he didn't drink it straight from the bottle while sitting on the floor of his apartment. This was not even in the vicinity of his usual kind of place.

  "I know. It's a little louder in here than I was expecting. I'm glad we were able to get a table so quickly. You're not too cramped are you? I think it's kind of cozy," Meryl said. Smiling. She really was one of the most inoffensive people Noah had ever met. It made him want to please her. "But I was saying, I know we haven't spoken much but I'd like us to be friends. You're Eli's family and I know that means a lot to him." She squeezed Eli's hand on the table as she spoke.

  Before Noah could guffaw, Liam kicked him again under the table in warning.

  Eli finally put down his drink to fix him with a smile. He didn't look pissed off. In fact, Eli looked happier than Noah had ever seen him. Still taciturn in the extreme but with an undercurrent of downy soft contentment. It was hard to square this new Eli with the old one that snapped at him for being late at holidays and not washing dishes after dinner. The one who had thrown out Noah's favorite movie as a child because he'd "watched it too much already." Noah had retaliated by replacing the mayonnaise in his sandwiches with glue but that was beside the point. That Eli would have been appalled by this one.

  "That's very kind of you," Noah said. He tried to match their smiles with one of his own. It wasn't entirely successful.

  "And then Liam was showing me some of your pictures. They're so beautiful."

  This time it was Noah doing the kicking. Liam bore it with grace, barely even giving away that Noah had caught him on the ankle bone. His whole leg was probably ringing.

  "It's true," Liam said. Like a traitor.

  "You're very talented."

  Lies, whispered the little voice, so suddenly that Noah almost flinched. She's lying to you.

  "Thank you."

  Her lips kept moving, her hands gesturing animatedly. She often talked with her hands, Noah had noticed, and the engagement ring on her finger winked at him like a sly eye when she did. Eli had gotten her a marquise cut diamond. Bad move. Those got caught on everything. No sweater would be safe from the menace of its prongs.

  Noah focused on her mouth instead. It was easier to remember the words she had spoken when he saw them forming one at a time. He could rewind the memory if he had to, walk it back until he could guess at what she had said and whether he needed to answer.

  Out of the corner of his eye, he caught Liam's appraising looks. They only made Noah feel worse. He just needed to focus. On what Meryl was saying and whether the smile she was offering now was as genuine as the one from five minutes ago—had she noticed his pauses? He didn't think so. It was fine. The feeling creeping up his spine was just a nuisance, but the more he tried to ignore it the louder it got. As though it was angry at being ignored. That spiteful little shit.

  Eli started talking about their honeymoon plans—a trip to... somewhere. He laughed. Meryl laughed. Liam laughed. They were going to figure out he wasn't listening and when they did Eli would be mad. He would yell. He hadn't yelled in years, but he would yell for this. And everything would be ruined.

  Noah forced out a laugh. Too late. They had already stopped.

  Meryl frowned. "Are you all right?"

  "Excuse me." Noah stood from his chair and escaped to the bathroom.

  His reflection in the mirror was a horror show. It proclaimed him witness to a murder and next on the killer's list. Just add charismatic detective. Noah hoped the detective had a beard and a penchant for fucking the damsels he was supposed to be saving. That would fix everything. Sex always made him feel better.

  His hands tightened on the counter.

  "Fucking get it together."

  Water splashed over his face helped a little. The shock of cold made him gasp, a shiver dancing down his spine, unwinding all the muscles he had tensed unconsciously.

  It would be fine. He could pretend to be a well-adjusted human being for another hour until everyone had finished their scrambled eggs and coffee. He could put on the face they needed. He could say the right things. He could do whatever it took.

  And then he could go home and melt away.

  Just for a little while.

  WEST SKIDDED TO A HALT in the door of the coffee shop. Noah sat at his usual table, one knee relentlessly bouncing as he hunched over his phone. The other jean clad leg stuck out from under the table like a speed bump, but he didn't seem to notice. West had the ridiculous urge to flee. He could come back when he was prepared for seeing Noah. This was the first time they'd seen each other outside the studio in weeks and he didn't know how to act around him or what was expected. In public. Now that he knew what it felt like to come on Noah's hand while he was tied up like a kinky Christmas present. That was almost definitely inappropriate in this situation.

  But maybe a kiss? Did they kiss? Should they be people that kissed in greeting?

  In public. With people present. Watching.

  Every permutation of greeting West came up with seemed too intimate suddenly.

  West's foot slid backwards towards freedom.

  Noah looked up. His eyes were blank even after he spotted West in the doorway, recognition sinking in as slow as spring thaw. When it did, he noted how West was standing and his eyes turned sad.

  The resignation in that look unstuck West's feet from the floor. He went forward instead of backward.

  "Is this chair taken?"

  "No, uh, go ahead. Sit wherever you like." Noah put down his phone and sat up straighter. "Do you want a drink? Your usual? I can get it." His smile looked ready to break the skin. He struggled to push his chair back.

  West put a hand on his wrist. "Stay. I'll get it." He nodded at Noah's empty mug. "Do you want anything?"

  He shook his head.

  "Be right back."

  For once there was a line at the register. West glared at the order board while he waited. Concern churned in his stomach, the vague formless feeling that something was wrong and he should fix it. He wasn't used to that feeling being attached to Noah. It was always Charlotte he'd taken care of, but she was family. Family took care of family. Mostly.

  The line cleared and West stepped up to order. The girl behind the counter had been there before when he'd come in. Noah had talked to her like they were friends.

  "Hi, a cappuccino and..." He glanced back towards the table. Noah had slumped forward again, curling up like a man punched in the stomach. "And um, I was going to get... do you know what Noah orders? I th
ought maybe—"

  "A mocha," she finished for him with a smile. "Extra whipped cream." She rang up the order. "That it?"

  "Yeah. That's it. Just those two."

  He felt her gaze on him as he collected the drinks and headed back towards the table. What the hell was he doing?

  Noah sat up at his return, confusion coloring his features as West set the drink in front of him.

  "I thought you might need this after all."

  "Oh. Thanks. I can pay you back—"

  "You don't have to pay me back."

  "Oh. I..." He shook his head. "Thank you." He wrapped his hands around the mug. Exhaustion tugged at the corners of his eyes and his mouth. The smile he'd put on kept flattening out before he fixed it again. In between those moments he became blank. West wasn't used to seeing nothing in Noah's face. He looked like a different person.

  West wanted to ask what was wrong, but something held him back. It was intrusive. Except they had been tangled up together, naked, only a couple days ago and what could be more intrusive than that? But was it his place? They weren't dating. Or friends. West had no name for whatever they were. It bothered him more than he liked. He took a considering sip of his cappuccino.

  "Charlotte told me to say hi," West said. She'd said it weeks ago, but the timing didn't really seem to matter right now.

  "Oh yeah?" The smile that crinkled the corners of his eyes was real even if the one before it hadn't been. "Hi to her too. She's a sweetheart."

  "Yeah, she is. She wanted me to ask where you got some coat you were wearing too, but I don't really know what she was talking about. Something with hearts? I forgot before." West took another sip from his mug and cleared his throat.

  Noah shrugged. "I have a lot of hearts."

  The awkward conversation dragged into equally awkward silence while West drained his cup and Noah's extra whipped cream slowly melted into the surface of his mocha and dripped down the side. West wiped it up with a napkin.

  "You know, you don't actually have to sit here with me if you don't want to. I won't be hurt," Noah said.

  But he would be. It was written in every line of his body.

  "Do you want me to go?"

  He was silent for a moment. "No."

  "Then I'll stay." West folded his arms. "And you can stop pretending like you're fine. Tell me what's wrong."

  Noah’s face cycled through expressions before settling on one. Confusion. Noah opened his mouth. Closed it again. Finally he shook his head. "Do you want to get out of here?"

  "I just got here. And you haven't finished your coffee."

  Noah looked down. For a moment a smile curved his lips. "I was asking if you want to go back to my place. Or yours. I'm not picky."

  "Oh." He swallowed. A very particular kind of panic crawled up his throat. And anticipation. There was that too. "But it's not even dark out."

  Noah leaned forward, one hand settling over West's on the table, a fine tremor in his fingers like touching a live wire. He met West's eyes with an intensity he usually reserved for photography. "Okay. Let me be even clearer. I'm inviting you to my place, right now, because I want to fuck and I'd like it to be with you. As long and as hard as possible. Do you want that, yes or no?"

  "Yes."

  West wasn't sure which of them was more surprised at that answer. That didn't mean he was taking it back.

  "Good." Noah stood, taking a quick swallow from the mocha West had bought him before he walked it and West's empty to the bin. "Come on."

  West let himself be pulled out the door, only resisting when Noah turned to head down the street.

  "What? I live this way."

  "My car is right here." He gestured in the opposite direction. In a bit of unexpected luck, he had found a parking spot only a few doors down from the coffee shop. Noah came back to his side.

  "Oh my fucking God, you have a Beemer."

  "Shut up it was my father's."

  "Was? Is he dead?"

  "No, now shut up and get in." West unlocked the door and shoved Noah into the passenger side. "Do you need me to buckle your belt too?" he muttered.

  Noah looked up at him, a little of the usual light coming back into his eyes, and lifted his arms. "Please."

  West slammed the door on him.

  "That was rude," Noah said in mock disapproval once West slid into the driver's seat.

  "Where do you live?"

  Noah told him. It really was close. West didn't even have enough time to get nervous about what the hell he had just agreed to before they were pulling up outside.

  He didn't do this sort of thing. He'd never done this sort of thing. Except with Noah. Noah just made everything seem so easy. And God he wanted things to be easy right now.

  West barely saw anything of the building before Noah had him by the collar and was kissing him against the closed door of his apartment.

  "I've been thinking about this for days," he whispered against West's lips. There was a clink as West's belt came undone and Noah's hand slid inside. "How do you want it?"

  West groaned as Noah stroked him almost to hardness. His head pressed back against the door. "Bedroom. Now please."

  He smirked at the please. "Your wish is my command."

  Noah didn't let go of him, maneuvering by memory, as he pulled West along with the strength of his kiss, sucking at his lips and his tongue so he couldn't have spoken if he'd wanted to. One hand so tight on his ass that West was sure it would bruise. If he had to find his way back to the door he would never make it. His memory was blotted out by the tongue tracing his lips and the teeth scraping along his jaw as Noah tipped his head back and sucked a mark into his throat. For all he knew Noah's apartment was an endless maze of corridors and Noah's fingers encircling his cock, stroking just slow enough to make him dizzy with need.

  Noah spilled them both onto the bed. He straddled West, rising up only long enough to tear off his own shirt and throw it away. It landed beside a window, catching on a guitar case before sliding to the floor. The room was dim, the blinds angled to throw shafts of light on the ceiling. A collection of black and white photos hung on the wall beside the door. West barely got to look at them before Noah blotted out the view again.

  "You can snoop later, sweetheart."

  "I'm not snooping."

  "You're always snooping. For someone who wouldn't even tell me his phone number you're awfully nosy." He caught West's chin. "But I'm not done with you yet. Snoop later."

  "I'm not snooping," West growled, silencing anymore arguments with a tug at Noah's fly. He was bare beneath and already half hard. West pushed the denim out of the way so he could get his hands where he wanted them. This time there was nothing stopping him.

  Noah let out a shuddering breath. "Shit yeah." He stilled, eyes half closed, as West worked him. "Just like that. Just like that, sweetheart." He hung over West, propped up on shaking arms before dropping down for another kiss, breathing hard. "Get your pants off."

  West shoved them down his thighs, struggling to work his legs free while Noah was on top of him.

  "Now yours."

  Noah straightened to pull them off, eyes never leaving West as he pushed his jeans down and kicked them off. There were more tattoos on his sides that West hadn't seen before, little patches of black ink like sprays of flowers. He stroked himself lazily with one hand as he stood and let West look his fill, eyes dark. Shameless as his head dropped back. Drawing out a groan as he touched himself. His body was all lean muscle and ink, a dusting of hair on his chest narrowing down to where his hand wrapped his cock, each stroke making it bob. It was so thick West could already feel it in his throat. Noah reached into the bedside table. A condom and lube hit the bed beside West before he climbed back up.

  West grinned at him. "I was half expecting handcuffs."

  "Those are in a different drawer. Why? You want them?"

  West eyed the dresser against the wall, trying to guess which one they were in. "Maybe next time." He dragged Noah back do
wn to him. Latched onto his ear with gentle teeth. "But I'd rather they were for you, not me."

  "Oh." Noah's voice came out hoarse and transformed into a hiss as West bit his neck. "That's good too. I like that idea."

  "I figured."

  Noah ground against him, kneading West's ass with rough hands as he held them together. West moaned. Now that he'd said it, he couldn't help imagining what else they might do. It made it hotter somehow, knowing that whatever he asked for, Noah would give it to him just the way he wanted. But what he wanted right now was more of the cock pressed against his hip. He wanted every thick inch of it. He reached between them to wrap a hand around Noah. "I want you so much."

  Noah claimed his mouth in a deeper kiss, tongue filling him the way his cock would be soon. "Now?"

  He'd been ready before they even made it to the bed. Any readier and he would be dead. "Hurry."

  "Then get on your knees like a good boy." He said that but he didn't release his grip on West so he could comply. He pressed him into the bed, kissing his way down West's chest until he found a nipple to worship. West writhed beneath him. "I love to look at you like this."

  "I'd look better with you inside me," West said when he tried to turn and Noah pushed him down for the third time.

  Noah laughed and bent to his other nipple. "But they don't match." He flicked the reddened nub he'd left behind with one finger and West gasped. He'd left it over sensitized, ringed by bruises and bites, and every touch was fire.

  "Oh you asshole." When he started in on the other nipple, West would have curled in on himself if he could have. Noah held him in place. Pressing him down with his body, one hand cradling his neck. It felt good, floating somewhere between pleasure and pain. "Hurry up." He clawed at Noah's back and shoulders. He wasn't sure if he was pushing or pulling. It didn't matter as long as he got what he wanted.

  West surged up, dragging Noah into a kiss. It was messy and desperate and needy. "Stop playing and fuck me."

  Noah's smile was absolutely feral. "You say the sweetest things to me." He kissed the tip of West's nose. "Ass up. Now."