Freedom in Falling Read online

  "Yeah," West drawled, not following even a little. "What about it?"

  Noah didn't answer. By the time West had finished speaking, he was already out of the room. From his bedroom came the muffled sounds of falling boxes and Noah swearing. "Was this it?" Noah reappeared with a motorcycle jacket held up in triumph. The black leather had been covered in painted red hearts some of which had frowning faces and tears drawn on them.

  "I think so? Maybe?" West tipped his head.

  "Then it's yours. Or hers if you'd rather." Noah draped the coat over West's shoulders like a cape. "Take it."

  "I can't accept this. It's your coat."

  West reached up to pull the coat from his shoulders, but Noah caught his hand first.

  "And now it's yours. I want you to have it. And tell your sister hi for me." His crescent moon smile flashed out for only a second as he rearranged the coat so it wouldn't fall off. "It looks good on you. Everything looks good on you." He dragged a knuckle up West's throat, raising tingles as his touch brushed over the new stubble there on the way to his cheek. His eyes were soft. His touch was warm.

  West could have stood there for hours just soaking it in.

  CHARLOTTE OPENED THE door, face a mask of accusation. "You're early."

  "I am not early," West corrected. "I said five and it's five. Why aren't you ready?"

  "I just threw in my laundry," she said, gesturing down the hall in the opposite direction from the washing machine. "I thought you said six, West. I'm not a little old lady. No one eats dinner at five." She pulled the door open wider so he could enter.

  Which he did. Then he stood with arms folded, staring down at her. She hated his growing height gap and he had to use it whenever possible. "Can't you finish your laundry later?"

  "I can't believe you of all people are asking me that. What have you done with my brother?"

  He checked the time and sighed. "How long is it going to take? I have an early class tomorrow and I can't be out all night."

  "There he is. Crisis averted." She smiled. "It's already on the rinse cycle. After it's done we can go. You won't even be up past your bedtime."

  He would have flicked her in the head, but she darted away too fast, her snickering carrying all the way down the hall.

  "Perfect. Just perfect."

  The house was quiet except for the distant hum of the washing machine. West glared after it. Then he skulked into the living room to sit down. There was no sign of Reese or Mom which meant it was safe for the time being. It seemed silly to stand around in the entryway of his own (former) house.

  He'd barely settled into the stiff upholstery of the couch when his phone chimed with an incoming text.

  Wish you didn't have to leave.

  West was thinking the same thing. He was already missing that electricity between them and the way it wiped out everything else in the world.

  Before he could respond, another text appeared beneath the first.

  Thought I'd take you a present so you weren't the only one in front of the camera. You want?

  The answer to that was obvious. I want.

  He had to restrain the urge to add an additional "give it to me" onto the message. For one thing, Noah would take that to its inevitable and dirty conclusion and West didn't want to provide him with any more openings than absolutely necessary. And anyway it felt like too much even now. When had he turned so greedy? What switch had Noah flipped in him? He'd never felt this way before, this hungry for another person.

  The selfie arrived a second later, so quickly that he knew Noah was sitting with his phone in hand the same way that he was.

  West glanced around guiltily, but the room was still empty. He couldn't even hear Charlotte rummaging around in the laundry room. He opened the picture. Bit his lip.

  Noah had positioned himself beside a window gone pink with sunset, eyes crinkling at the corners. Lips parted. His hair was the kind of mess that meant he'd been running his hands through it again. Orange sunlight painted streaks across his bare chest and down to the waist of his jeans. The way he'd angled it, West could almost imagine the jeans were gone and the rest was bare. Right there for the taking. He shifted in his seat.

  Wish I was there.

  The truth felt unexpected even as he typed it out and hit send. It felt like words fed to him from someone else, a phantom mouth pressed against his ear, wrapped in the increasingly familiar swirl of lust and want in his chest.

  Wish you were too. You want another present for being a good boy?

  A sound leaked from between his lips and West ran a hand over his face. He did. Oh he did.

  Check your snapchat.

  West made a face even as the notification popped up on his screen to taunt him. He'd only downloaded the app because Noah had talked him into it late the other night and because he seemed to do everything that Noah asked him to do with only the most paper thin of complaints. Even still, he'd threatened to delete it again if Noah didn't stop sending him snaps while they were watching the movie. After the sixth one, he couldn't take it anymore. He wasn't complaining now.

  Even with the volume on the phone turned down, he could hear What Is Love playing in the background, the video bouncing as Noah danced, lips moving as he sang along the same way he had so many times before. Just before the video ended, he blew a kiss and waved, smiling that big shit-eating grin that had become so familiar over the last few weeks.

  He knew. He knew what he was doing.

  West smiled back despite himself. Then he started typing out another text.

  Is that all I get?

  Greedy greedy.

  Another notification appeared soon after and West braced himself before he checked it. Who knew what it would be this time. More dancing? Something else? There was no telling with Noah.

  This video was shorter, only a few seconds of bliss and miles of bared skin, of Noah biting his lip, staring him down through the phone even as he thumbed open his jeans. As the video ended and restarted, a striptease whose end he would forever be denied, West let out a whimper of frustration.

  Where's the rest?

  He could almost see Noah's bemused look in response. The grin mixed with surprise that he always got when he gave anything and West asked for more. The one that was primed for failure and shocked when it didn't come.

  Patience, sweetheart.

  He'd never felt less patient in his life. His hand tightened on the phone, trying to stare the notification into existence. He wanted it so bad he tasted it like blood on his tongue.

  The notification barely had time to chime before he had it opened. This one was a slightly longer video with a banner of text over it in rainbow colors reading "this what you want?" He'd finished the taunt with little emojis of eyes. Because of course he would take the time to type that, to change the color of the text, to taunt him with that mix of carelessness and thoughtfulness that encompassed everything he did. And this video was longer, not just the thumbed open jeans this time, but a hand reaching inside, his head tipping back to bare his throat, mouth falling open in a breathy sigh. There was the shadow of a bruise low on his neck. West had put it there.

  West licked his lips. It was so easy to imagine licking down that exposed neck and then back up again, hands following the one that had dipped into Noah's jeans. He'd spent a large portion of the last two days doing something similar.

  The video ended and West started it again, shifting forward as if that could get him closer, back to that place where he didn't have to imagine anymore and could just touch without the screen between them. He would lay over his phone if it would give him one ounce of the friction he was craving.

  "What are you looking at?" Charlotte asked.

  He didn't scream. West was sure he didn't scream, but the phone leapt from his hand, popping into the air like a trained dolphin, and even as he grabbed for it he realized that it was no use. Instead of wrapping a hand around Noah he was watching his phone sail away, across the room. It somersaulted in the air.
Hit the wall with a thud. And slid down. A second thud marked its arrival at the floor.

  He whipped around to look at Charlotte. "Nothing. What took you so long?"

  She leaned in the doorway, one hand on her hip and a suspicious look on her face. She transferred the look to his phone before pushing off the wall to pick it up.

  "Don't touch that." He stumbled off the couch to retrieve it himself. His voice was too loud. "I mean, I'll get it. You just surprised me."

  She stared at him without blinking. "Wow, West. Just wow." Then she opened the bag of chips she'd walked in with. She popped one into her mouth, chewing slowly while she stared at him with beady eyes. She knew. She definitely knew.

  West snatched his phone off the floor. The screen was cracked. It was poetic really. The perfect end to this whole day. He tucked the phone into his back pocket, hoping that by getting rid of the evidence it would all go away even as regret dawned. The video had disappeared. He would never see it again. That deserved a moment of silence.

  He should be ashamed of himself. But he wasn't. He wanted his video back.

  The buzz of an incoming text skated up his spine like a finger.

  Charlotte's smile widened.

  "Not a word." He pointed a finger in her face and then snatched the bag of chips out of her hand.

  "Hey, give those back."

  He held them over her head like a toy wand over a cat, laughing when she tried jumping. She was still a few inches too short for that to work. "I thought we were going out for dinner," he said as he lifted them higher, her fingers brushing the bag with a crinkle.

  "We are. But I'm hungry now. I'm a growing child. Gimme my chips." She thumped him in the stomach hard enough to whoosh the air from his lungs and grabbed the bag from him. "Where are we going anyway?"

  Before he could answer, another message set off a fresh wave of tingles. That really wasn't helping his attempt at denial.

  Charlotte made a shooing gesture, turning her back as she strolled from the room with her chips. "I'll give you a minute. I have to check my laundry anyway."

  He glared at her back and the sneaky little grin on her face as he pulled the phone from his pocket. Somehow Noah had managed to flood him with ten texts and Snapchat notifications in the minute he'd been distracted. It was the kind of thing West usually hated. But with Noah it had a smile tugging at his lips. He forced his mouth flat again before he checked the texts. Snapchat was definitely not happening right now. He couldn't risk another video and discus throw with his phone. The spiderweb crack on the screen was bad enough.

  The texts began as a string of hey and question marks before the final one which read, "Wait I just came up with an idea for next session. Call you later." It was finished with a sparkly heart emoji and a thumbs up. Even Charlotte didn't use that many emojis.

  He shook his head as he answered. Charlotte is ready. Talk to you later. Those seven words looked sparse beneath Noah's string of punctuation marks and tiny hearts. His thumb hovered over the keyboard, searching for some additional response that sounded less abrupt and wondering why he cared so much.

  A noise in the doorway brought his head up. The smile fell off West's face.

  "Wow, you're in a good mood. That's a first," Reese said. He'd lost the jet lagged look and now his eyes were bright as the gleam on a needle. The black trench pulled over his polo and slacks suggested he'd been out. Maybe that's why the air around him was colder than it should have been. His eyes took in the phone in West's hand. "What's with the smile?"

  "I was reading something." He tried to keep the defensiveness out of his voice and failed completely. Reese would be gone soon and then they could go back to ignoring each other. He just had to hold out that long. It was a wonder Reese had even stayed this long. He'd never been one for sentimental lingering.

  Reese nodded slightly. "Must be nice to have so much free time." He smiled, all charm.

  West was saved from having to make a response by Charlotte's return, chips discarded, coat already on. She veered around him in the doorway. "I'm ready!"

  "Where are you two off to? It's late. Charlotte has school tomorrow, right?"

  It was the same thing West had said only a few days ago, but hearing it from Reese made him want to spit acid. "It's barely after five."

  "We're going to dinner!" Charlotte said over him. "Be back soon!"

  West nodded, trying and failing to come up with any comment that wasn't a growl. "We'll be back."

  He led Charlotte to the door and out into the cold night. The wind cooled his flushed face instantly but it didn't do anything for the buzzing in his head.

  Only a few more days and Reese would be gone, back where he belonged, because it sure as hell wasn't here.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  A Skip, Hop, And A Jump To Conclusions

  "Sooooooo. How are things?" Charlotte dragged the words out so long that she sounded like a snake. He was impressed that she'd waited until they were nearly done with dinner to broach the subject. That almost counted as restraint.

  West slid a California roll into his mouth so he wouldn't have to answer immediately. Because who even knew what the answer was. He'd spent two days with Noah and now they were texting and waking each other up with slow kisses and he couldn't wait to return to Noah's apartment and his bed. West's whole body buzzed with the need for more. A few months ago that had seemed impossible.

  But maybe she was just asking about his classes.

  He reached for another California roll.

  Charlotte's eyes widened. His silence was evidently incriminating enough for her. "This is so exciting. You should invite Noah over. We need another holiday so you can bring him to dinner. Mom'll shit herself."

  The next few seconds came rimed with prickling ice. He choked down his bite and took a long drink of tea until his vision stopped pulsing. "Don't talk like that."

  "Weston, please. You're ruining the moment."

  "I'm not the one who brought up Mom."

  "You're going to have to tell her eventually, right? You can't not tell her."

  "Watch me."

  She shot him a look. "Yeah. I'm sure that'll work out great. You can't even keep secrets. You always fold immediately. And Mom already knows something's up. She asked why you were ghosting her and I had to make up a lie about your classes—you're welcome by the way. And you're screwed."

  "Thanks for the vote of confidence."

  "You're welcome. But she's not gonna believe that a second time, so you should just tell her everything now. Get your public shaming over with so we can all move on. And so you can invite Noah to dinner. It'll make it more interesting. For me personally, not you. It'll be a fun change to watch you suffer instead of me."

  "This is my private life not a rom-com. Don't you have any gossip of your own so you can stop stealing all mine?"

  "Sadly no. My life is boring. You'll have to keep entertaining me at least until I graduate."

  "I thought you were into that guy. With the... name."

  She giggled. "You're really terrible at this, you know that? His name was Taylor and don't even mention him. He's a jerk."

  "Since when?"

  "Since I found out he's a homophobe. So never mind."

  "Oh."

  "He wasn't even that cute now that I think about it. So back to you." She nibbled at a shred of ginger, all teeth and silent knowing as she bounced like a giddy penguin on a pogo stick. He could feel the soft thud every time she hit the seat on the opposite side of the booth. "You like him though, don't you? You seem happy. And he seemed nice before. I like him. You could even invite him next time we go out. I don't mind."

  "And play third wheel to you two again? No thank you."

  "It wasn't that bad."

  "It was exactly that bad. But we'll see. If he's not busy, maybe."

  Charlotte popped her last tempura roll into her mouth, smile stretching wide as she chewed it. "Weston has a boyfriend," she crooned after she'd swallowed.

 
"Are you done?"

  "Not even close."

  He reached over the table to flick her in the head. She dodged sideways to avoid him and almost fell out of the booth instead. One hand slapped against the top of the seat as she tried to hold on. "You've got a boyfriend," she said just before she went over.

  SHE WAS STILL TALKING about it as they got into the car. West started the engine and pretended like he couldn't hear her, but it was hard to keep the smile off his face. He had a boyfriend. Maybe. Possibly. They hadn't actually discussed it.

  "You have a boyfriend," she whispered.

  "Yeah. I think I might." The thought curled up in his chest like sunlight. He'd never said that out loud before. "Oh. There's something in the backseat for you. Don't—kick me while you're grabbing it," he said as she dove between the seats and did just that. "I'm driving. Get back in your seat."

  She resurfaced with a groan. "What's this?" She held up Noah's jacket to the passing street lights. "Whoa. Did he make this?"

  "What?"

  Her fingernail scratched against the tip of one of the red hearts. "This looks like paint."

  West glanced at the jacket but it was too hard to see anything while he was driving. He'd run them right off the road. "I don't know. It might be."

  "Didn't you even ask, West? Where's your sense of curiosity?" She lowered her face into the leather and inhaled. "It even smells good."

  "Did you just smell my boyfriend?" He couldn't even say it without smiling. Have to work on that.

  "No, I was smelling the leather. Can I put it on? I'm gonna put it on. This is so great." The car jostled as she wriggled her way out of her coat and into Noah's, the leather creaking in time with her movements.

  The house blazed with light when they pulled up. That meant Mom was home. She had a habit of flipping switches as she traveled from room to room, leaving a path of light in her wake when she forgot to turn them off again. He should go in and say hi. Get his monthly hug from her. If he got it over with now, he might be able to avoid a repeat until after Reese had left. The thought had its appeal.